What is Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse is the act of forcefully criticizing, insulting, or denouncing another person. Characterized by underlying anger and hostility, it is a destructive form of communication intended to harm the self-concept of the other person and produce negative emotions.
Types of Verbal Abuse
Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a parent-child relationship, or the bully on the playground, name-calling is unhealthy. Sometimes obvious, sometimes disguised as “pet names” or “teasing,” habitual name-calling is a method of belittling you.
For example:
|
Condescension is another attempt to belittle you. The abuser’s comments can be sarcastic, disdainful, and patronizing. It’s all to make themselves feel superior.
For example:
|
There’s nothing wrong with constructive criticism. But in a verbally abusive relationship, it’s particularly harsh and persistent in an attempt to chip away at your self-esteem.
For example: “You’re always upset about something, always playing the victim. That’s why nobody likes you.” “You screwed up again. Can’t you do anything right?” While this may seem like an easy one to recognize, it isn’t always the case. Threats can be dressed up in a way that makes them appear as if they “aren’t so bad,” or in a way that makes you question if you really heard right. But a threat is a threat and a loving partner does not resort to them to get their way.
Examples:”I will hurt myself if you leave me tonight” or “If you don’t do that you might find that your cat spends the night outdoors!” |
Manipulation is an attempt to make you do something without making it a direct order. Make no mistake about it: It’s meant to control you and keep you off-balance.
For example:
Blame is one of the most common forms of verbal abuse and involves constantly putting the blame for one’s actions onto their partner instead of taking responsibility for them. This can include blaming a partner for something they had nothing to do with, to blaming the partner for the abuser’s emotions.
Examples: “You are the reason why we are never on time for anything!” or “Look what you made me do now!” |
How to deal with verbal abuse?
The only effective way to put an end to verbal abuse is to call out the abuser each time they strike. If someone blames you for something you have no control over, you need to ignore the actual content of what's been said, identify the type of abuse employed, name it, and calmly ask the abuser to stop it (Evans, 2009).
The only effective way to put an end to verbal abuse is to call out the abuser each time they strike. If someone blames you for something you have no control over, you need to ignore the actual content of what's been said, identify the type of abuse employed, name it, and calmly ask the abuser to stop it (Evans, 2009).